Anyhow, one day I spent a stupid amount of money for a harness for them to go and take them on a walk. After walking them down the stairs from the apartment, we proceeded on what any other person observing would have called a drag, rather than a walk until we got to the lake edge. Then my two ferrets, Bandit and Sir, came to life and the harness was not such an encumbrance after all. I swear when I put it on it was like handing out a death sentence. I will never know what those animals understood about human emotions, but boy they knew how to play me like a piano.
They loved the water, and commenced to slashing and ducking underwater for small periods, and chasing each other. I promise, go and see ferrets playing and you will laugh, more than once. They are clumsy and can’t see more than 3 feet so they bump into stuff all the time, and the noise they make is chirpy, which adds to the humor of them.
We were enjoying or summer day when an animal of massive proportions emerged from the lake. Not a Dog or a Cat, not a turtle with jaws or a shark, no, a white goose. Readers beware geese are vicious; they are mean cruel and should be hit with planks of wood when possible. I was watching Bandit chase after a butterfly when I heard a massive noise that reminded me of an Indian war whoop. Being a scholarly man, I knew there were no active Indian uprisings in Virginia, so I was not afraid for my life. So I turned to the noise and it was worse, a Goose on the warpath, this duck was running right at me, head lowered in an attack position and ready to kill. As it rushed in I thought how dumb you sill goose, I am a man and you are a big duck, how easy this will be, for all I must do is kick you and you will fly away home.
Then I saw he was charging not for me, but for my tiny defenseless ferret, Sir. Who had heard this new sound and was running to investigate it. I ran after him, but knew I wouldn’t reach him in time to save him from the goose, so I steeled myself to kill this goose if it did anything to my ferret. All my preparations were laid asunder as I watched my ferret leap up to the gooses face and proceed to rip its face of. The goose that up until this moment was ready for blood started flailing in pain as Sir ripped his eye out and ate it. I may be mistaken but I am almost positive I saw him smack his lips and rub his tummy, and maybe even let out a ferret sized burp.
No fight left in the white goose it ran off into the lake where the ferret could not follow. The fight was over, and my 9oz. ferret declared to winner. I was shocked that this had just occurred, but was now dealing with a champion. And boy did he know it. He walked with a strut, I had never seen an animal strut before, but there was no denying it. My ferret was strutting and was very proud of himself. This goose lived in the lake for the remaining year I lived at the apartments, and every now and then I would see Pete, or One Eyed Pete, as I began to call him.
It was funny for a few more hours, and then he took it to the max, he was no longer able to eat ferret food, he rebuffed any water that was not flavored with ferret water flavor packs, and he no longer let Bandit sleep in his hammock. Pride cometh before the fall apparently meant nothing to him, because up till the day he died, that ferret was a king in his own mind. And I loved him for it.
Hope today is a good one,
austininva
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