I successfully passed the half-way mark of my current deployment; it brings time for reflection and a good time for happy thoughts of home. It was 153 degrees today, with the heat index. So I sit here in the "AC" and write half baked, all I have to do is turn over to get the other side.
I am told a lot of things on the boat, from orders for my daily routine, to where the line for chow begins. I am told about problems in the head (bathroom for all you land lubbers). This is the most important info I think you can be relayed on a Navy ship. I recall walking into the head one morning to brush my teeth. Completely normal, nothing to see or do, another normal day. This day was to be etched in my memory, and the memory of some poor sailor who was very lucky that day.
It began, the way most days do, with a loud whistle and some super over-motivated LOUD person yelling over the 1MC (radio) REVELE, REVELE, which means wake up and go to work. It not the most motivating thing to wake up to, but you can’t complain, it’s no worse than an alarm clock buzzing at you.
I shuffled to the head, to do my morning routine. I took, or rather tried to take a shower, but do to the fact no water but rather steam came out of the shower head, I decided I didn't stink that bad. I drug myself to the sinks; at least I could brush my teeth. Again no water to be found. As horrid as this may sound, it really isn't that uncommon of a thing, and you learn to deal with it. Today I would be happy to just go pee. At least they can’t take that away from me.
I shuffled over towards the toilets, and that's when I felt the first ship shaking, shudder. I really didn't think a thing of it; the ship rattles and shakes all the time. So what was different about this one? I continued walking, but when it happened again... I took more notice; the shaking was coming from the toilets. That was different; I had never seen this before.
The first stall, occupied, 2nd, occupied, even the 3rd stall was busy. So I would be holding it in for a few more minutes. The third and as luck would have it final shudder began and this is when I learned a very valuable lesson about physics.
The sailors in the 1st and 3rd stall being salty seamen ran out of the stalls. The speed with which they jumped surprised me, but I soon learned why. It is something that made me stand there in awe. Let me just quickly transport you to Yellowstone National park, and imagine Old Faithful blasting in its full glory. It’s quite a spectacular sight.
***For my readers of weak constitution skip this paragraph***
Now let’s go back to the head... Old Faithfull blasted from the 1st stall and the 2nd. In a forceful gust, the sight was amazing; I had never seen a toilet do this before. As we know light travels faster than sound, but the sound that hit my eardrums was a mixture of a rushing river, the kind Pocahontas would be proud of, and an inhuman screech, that made my skin chill. This sound was followed by the sound of a door and a half naked man fell out of the stall. He was covered in something, that resembled cake batter, but the smell that obviously travels slower than light and sound, now assured me that it was not cake batter rather "waste water" and all the yummy that come with it.
He walked in a daze past me, not noticing his fellow shipmates who felt sorry for him, and would have offered help, and walked right to the shower, turned on the steam and just stood there, probably shivering. Not from cold water for sure, I convulsed as the smell hit me, and decided that maybe I could hold it just a little longer. I went back to my rack climbed in and just lay there, I don't know if those images will ever leave me, it was an experience I will carry with me forever.
This deployment has been much cleaner, and while I still hover over the toilets, I haven't felt a shudder yet. So as the title said, I’m half way and half baked.
Hope to day is a good one!
austininthegulf
(See what I did there?)
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